Comedian Bennett Arron shares his story, and what led him to create a podcast to raise awareness of dementia, and become a Dementia Friend.
“Quite often when I’m interviewed about my life as a comedian, I’m asked who my comedy heroes are. I always give the same answer; Morecambe and Wise, Tommy Cooper and my dad. My dad had the greatest sense of humour. People use the term ’Dad jokes’ in a disparaging manner. This was not the case with my dad. The jokes were always quick witted and, as my children would say, “on point”. Of course, being a comedian, when my own children refer to me as making ‘Dad jokes’ I remind them that if it weren’t for those, they’d have had no clothes to wear, no food to eat and no video games to play.
“So, when my father was diagnosed with dementia, apart from the obvious worries of how it would affect him and whether or not he would forget who we all were, I was also upset over the fact that he would start to lose his ability to make his jokes. I needn’t have worried. Although he did of course start forgetting things, and started to repeat things constantly, his ability to make us laugh remained. It made me realise how important it is to remember that, even though the person you love is suffering, they are still them.
“This is one of things I speak about in the podcast ‘Remember to Listen’, which I co host with the TV actress Tanya Franks. Tanya and I went to Drama School together and we have remained friends ever since. Although, due to work commitments (Tanya has been in Broadchurch, Eastenders and worked with the RSC whilst I have toured the world trying to make people laugh) we hadn’t had the chance to see each other often, the last time we met we chatted about the fact both our fathers had dementia. Although we obviously spoke about the upsetting aspect of the disease, we also shared funny stories and lovely memories. That was when we decided to make the podcast. The idea was to have a fresh and entertaining chat around both the sad and more light-hearted side of living with someone who has dementia, as well a good brain health through lifestyle choices. Also, through our own stories, and those of our celebrity guests, we would help to raise awareness of the disease.
"In all honesty, I didn’t know much about dementia until my father was diagnosed. Like most people I knew it was related to memory loss, but I didn’t know the other symptoms. When my father started asking me the same question over and over, or when he would call my brother and I over 60 times a day, it came as a shock. On the plus side, he never forgot who my brother and I were. That was always one of my biggest fears and I was so pleased, if ‘pleased’ is the right word, that this didn’t happen. However, he always forgot that my mother had passed away and would constantly ask where she was. At first, we used to remind him that she had gone, but watching him suffer, as though he was hearing the news for the first time, was too much. So, we would just say she was sleeping. Not a complete lie, and this at least made him more relaxed.
“I have now learned a lot about the disease, through my own research and through the wonderful guests we have had on the podcast. These guests have included the Olympian Professor Greg Whyte OBE, TV Astronomer Mark Thompson and comedian Milton Jones. Each guest has shared their experience of living with someone with dementia as well as speaking about the steps you can take to improve the lives of dementia sufferers as well as your own.
“Having recently become a Dementia Friend, I’ve realised how important it is to share our stories. It reminds us that we are not alone and that we are there to support each other.
“I have also decided to return to the Edinburgh Festival this year with a show that deals with dementia, depression and death. Yes, the usual comedy subjects! The show is called ‘I regret this already’ and in it, amongst other topics, I chat about my father’s dementia, and how his recent passing affected me. As with the podcast, I will hopefully manage to also take a light-hearted look at what happened.
“As I do with all my book sales, either through Amazon or through my website, I will be giving 20% of all profits I make at the Edinburgh Festival to dementia research including Alzheimer’s Society.
“Dementia is an awful disease. It not only affects the lives of those living with the condition but also the lives of those around them. But knowing that there is an organisation like Alzheimer’s Society, which gives support and guidance, and the Dementia Friends programme which raises awareness of the disease is a wonderful comfort.”
The Podcast Remember to Listen is available here.
Bennett Arron: I Regret This Already will be at the Liquid Rooms Studio at 4:15pm from August 2nd - August 24th inclusive. Find out more here.
